For a good laugh, Politico posted an article today about how McCain plans to balance the budget. We can expect articles later about his plans to turn lead into gold, Amy Winehouse into Ken Seeley, and a Dolorian into a Time Machine (hey, he’s just as crazy as Christopher Lloyd), but until then, here are some the highlights:
“The McCain administration would reserve all savings from victory in the Iraq and Afghanistan operations in the fight against Islamic extremists for reducing the deficit. Since all their costs were financed with deficit spending, all their savings must go to deficit reduction.”
This one is so stupid it’s hard to make it funnier, so let’s just make it easy. If we do continue to violate Iraq’s sovereignity, take away all of their oil, and start production immediately we wouldn’t make up the amount of money we are spending (rough estimates put us over 3 trillion in debt by Iraq alone and counting, plus the bottom line is always bigger) before the ozone layer melted away killing us all before the world would collectively realize There Will Be Blood actually sucked. I actually live for the day when that movie’s heavy handedness is exposed, so he’s already lost my vote.
McCain advisers admit that the document is a repackaging of previous policies, without dramatic new initiatives. Some Democratic officials had thought McCain might try to make a splash by proposing a bold middle-class tax cut.
And this is how screwed up the world is. Obama gives the middle class a tax cut, but not McCain. I guess that’s the type of straight, depressing talk we can keep expecting from McCain. Bush is still a at least pretends to care about the common man he was supposed to be, Grandpa Mac is too grouchy to give a fuck.
Furman [Obama supporter] pointed out that the Congressional Budget Office now estimates a 2013 deficit of $443 billion, assuming the Bush tax cuts are extended. And he estimated that McCain would have to cut discretionary spending—including defense—by roughly one-third to bring the budget into the black by then.
Again, that’s still not counting much of our debt. The good news is, all McCain has to do is tell the military and everyone in defense to take the year off, and we’d make that up. Now that’s conservative.
“In the long-term, the only way to keep the budget balanced is successful reform of the large spending pressures in Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid,” the McCain campaign says in a policy paper to be released Monday.
Spending pressures? Well they are easily to deal with. It’s not like the largest generation of Americans ever are retiring now and going on Social Security and Medicare. And with the economy in great shape, I doubt anyone is going to be using Medicaid any time soon.
–[Part of McCain's plan]Immediate relief for American families on gas and food prices: “Under his plan, the United States will be telling oil producing countries and oil speculators that our dependence on foreign oil will come to an end —and the impact will be lower prices at the pump. John McCain’s policies will increase the value of the dollar and thus reduce the price of oil. …
If you read that backwards, stare at it, and slowly pull away from the text, it says “Fuck you, George Soros.”
Nuclear power is a proven, reliable, zero-emission source of energy, and it is time to recommit to advancing our use of nuclear power. The U.S. has not started construction on a new nuclear power plant in over 30 years. … John McCain will put our country on track to construct 45 new nuclear power plants by 2030 with the ultimate goal of eventually constructing 100 new plants.”
Not like those will be terrorist targets or anything. Does the man know we have a sun? It’s hard to say sometimes, maybe we should get him some of those cataract visor-glasses. You know what I’m talking about.
–Trade: “Lower Barriers to Trade …
I’m not kidding, that’s all it says in his trade plan. So look forward to more lead in toys, more lost manufacturing jobs, and more Democrats tripping over themselves not to look pro-NAFTA.
I could probably go on, but I think senility might be contagious, because my head hurts.
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